Missing piece.

I've grown to feel like something is missing from life...as if there is a missing piece. I just can't seem to figure it out.

Peace & Quiet

Lately, there has been alot on my mind and i've come to enjoy all the peace and quiet time alone that I can get. It seems as if everday that goes by, i'm growing to love the outdoors and nature even more. Nature is so peaceful and beautiful. I love reading, walking in the woods, fishing, and just soaking up all the beauty of another warm, beautiful spring day. I feel myself growing, learning, and appreciating more every day as Graduation draws near.

I have been reading alot more than usual lately. It seems to be the only thing that truely helps to get my mind off of Cale & this deployment. I have a huge stack of books waiting to be read so that will keep me busy for quite a while. I am so thankful that my very first teacher encouraged me to read and for my Mother teaching me to love to read. She always says that before I could read, I would memorize the words to books she read to me and I would "read" them when I was alone. Apparently I "read" so loud that everyone would tell my mother to make me hush so they could watch their TV. ;) But she was always taking me to the library and so my love for reading grew. It's my way of blocking out reality.

This deployment is putting alot of strain on Cale & I's relationship. Things are tough and i'm not going to go into detail. I'm just praying that we can get a chance to finally talk this weekend and work things out before he leaves for Afgahnistan. If it's God's will, then things will work out. <3

Spring Break is the week after next. :) I asked off work for half the week to spend some time with my brothers & nieces & nephews. If tomorrow is as pretty as it was today, we are going to cook out and maybe go fishing. I hope everyone has a beautiful weekend!

Just thought i'd share this picture because it made me smile. The newest addition to our "farm" family.

Truely blessed.

This one has nothing to do with the Marine Corps :)

As I was sitting here thinking about my life, i've come to realize that I am so truely blessed in life with a great family, loving boyfriend, and a few of the most amazing, true friends that anyone could ever ask for. I just wanted to take the time to write about a few of those people because they truely make my heart smile and they are in my thoughts today.

I've been blessed with a few, true friends in life. To be honest, i'd rather have a few, TRUE friends than a million casual friends. I know they will always be a part of my life and have a little knook and cranny in my heart :)


Brandi- You are truely one of the sweetest, most beautiful, strong, amazing ladies that i've ever
met and i'm so thankful to have you in my life. We can relate so well and it never fails to amaze me how we can just talk, talk, talk, talk about anything and everything. :) You have helped me through so much these past few years and I know I can always come to you and just pour out my heart and soul and you never judge me, you just listen and always have advice when I ask. You have watched me grow up so much these past three years and I've had the pleasure and seeing two of my best friends get married and start a BEAUTIFUL family together. I know it hasn't been easy at times and there will many rough patches to come but I will always, always be here for you and Mia is truely lucky to have such an awesome momma! I know she's going to look up to you :) I honestly can't thank you enough for all you have done and helped me through and all the nice, kind words of encouragement that have pulled me through many tough times. I love you so much!

Laura- I could say so much about this girl. She's my bestfriend and my sister. We have so many amazing times together and are always making new memories. She's truely one of a kind and i'm thankful that she's become such a big part of my life. We have both grown up so much together and we are both very, mature for our age. I think that's part of the reason we get along so well and never fight. She's a great, true friend. <3

Amber- We have grown apart a lot this last year or two but she'll always remain one of my best friends, no matter what. She is truely unique and there is no other like her. We have been friends since the 7th grade and we have grown into beautiful, strong, young ladies together. Of course we had plenty of ups and downs but she's amazing and I always want her to be a part of my life. :)

Cale- My first love, my boyfriend, my heart, my life. I never expected to fall in love so soon or so fast, I thought I had my life figured out and it didn't include any serious relationship until I got a life going for myself. But he came back into my life and swept me off my feet, so to say. He's so different from all the other men i've ever met.. He's self-suffient, disicplined, respectful, strong, kind.. he's a Marine and the love of my life. He shows me so much respect and love and even though it's a hard, long-distance relationship I know he loves me and cares about me, I can hear it in his voice when he calls and see it in his eyes. He supports my decision to go into the military myself and has not once tryed to convince me other wise. He has even said that when his term of service is up he would go into the reserves and follow me around if I go into the AF. I know God has a plan for us, I can feel in my heart. We fit together perfectly. < 3

So these are just a few of the people who have special places in my heart.

Set myself up for disappointment yet again.

He's not coming home this weekend after all... in fact... there is only about a 2 % chance that he will even get to come home at all now. I just talked to him on the phone, for about five minutes. He said alot of Marines are having fights with their girlfriends who don't understand why they can't just come home... he said he's lucky to have me because I understand that it's out of his control. He also said I had every right to be upset and angry because of his lack of communication. He said he feels like he's screwing up our relationship because of it, he said he feels like such a dick. I can't deny that I am angry and upset with how he has left me so in the dark and clueless...didn't make much of effort to keep me updated like he promised. In fact, he didn't make any effort at all.He knows i'm angry and upset too. I can't stopping crying, i've been so upset all day. But there seems to finally be a set date for this deployment....the week after next...

But it's completely out of his hands whether he will get to come home or not but he's going to try everything he can to come home to see me and I believe him. It's just the fact that I have to wait another damn week, not knowing if i'll get to see him and say goodbye before he leaves that is tearing me up. It's so hard to drag myself out of bed in the mornings and face yet another day not knowing... I'm sure i'll be okay if I get to see him and when he leaves. I never expected to fall in love, especially not so fast. He is everything to me. I love him with all my heart and soul. I'm ready for him to leave so this deployment can begin and fly by and he'll be home before I know it and things will be so much better.

The Marine Corps is so stresssful and frustrating. Everything is always changing... first they say that they will definitely get leave... then it goes from... maybe... no... yes... maybe...This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do but it will be so worth it when this deployment is over and he's back home. Of course they moved it down from a year to seven months but that will probably change as well. There was so much I wanted to say to him on the phone....so much I wanted to ask but I just froze up...he had just got off work and he was so tired so he cut me off after five minutes. He said don't ever be afraid to text him and let him know i'm still here but he could do the same thing.

He didn't tell me he was going to the field so I was left wandering what the hell was going on for nearly two weeks and after he promised to keep me updated, he made no effort. Just another promises the USMC couldn't keep. But how could I ever be mad at hime when I pick up the phone to hear "darling" I love him so much.... this is just so frustrating. Things are hell up there right now and I feel so bad for him and all the other men. I need some serious strength right now and i 'm praying that he gets to come home... but I know not to get my hopes up again.. I have to face yet another week of work and school and try to put a smile on my face.

Three more days....

So my Marine is supposed to be coming home thursday or friday. I've been trying not to get my hopes up because everything is constantly changing with the Marines but I just can't help it! The excitement is building up! It has been a long two months since i've been in his arms. It's been rough with him preparing for this deployment. I AM SO EXCITED. I don't care if I only get to spend one night with him before he leaves for Afghanistan, i'll be SO very thankful for whatever amount of time I get with him.


It's looking like this deployment is going to be a tough one though. I was talking to a Marine wife whose husband is stationed in NC with Cale and he's leaving this month as well. She went to a deployment brief with him on base and they said that internet may not be available and the phones may be tied up 24/7. I don't know what to expect because this is out first deployment but I know its' not going to be easy. I also know to accept that he will come back changed to some extent. All the other Marine girlfriends, fiances, and wifes i've talked to say to expect this...just like bootcamp changes them, deployments change them as well. Cales brother is testimony to that. He won't even talk about what happened while he was deployed... I can only imagine it must have been pretty horrible. He's a Marine as well. Hopefully it won't be that bad for Cale. I love him with all my heart and I made a vow to wait patiently and faithfully until he comes home and that's what i'm going to do, Semper Fi!

Military Survival Kit

So I found this online and i think it's such a cute idea. I was thinking about making one for Cale to give to him when he comes home next week. It's so cheesy but cute... I just don't know if he would like it. It may make him smile though so I think i'm going to make him a little kit :)

Military Survival Kit
These fun kits are made simply by adding all of the "ingredients", printing the list of items and their meaning and putting it all in a bag and inexpensive to make.

-Lifesavers - to remind you that that's what you are Single serving of drink mix -
"Instant drink" add water and shake, for when you are on maneuvers
A Match - To light your fire when you're feeling burned out
Smarties - To help you on those days when you don't feel smart
Mounds Bar - to remind you of the mounds of love & support you have from friends & family and members of Operation Military Pride
Tape- To fix things that will not work
Confetti- To remind you to have fun -
A Starburst - To give you a burst of energy on days when you don't have any
-Pack of Gum - to help your unit stick together
Cotton Ball - to cushion the rough roads
A Rubber Band - To stretch yourself beyond the limits
A String - To tie things together when everything falls apart
-Penny - we all need a little luck
A Marble- For when you lose yours
Battery - To give you that extra charge to keep you going... and goin
Piece of Rope - When you reach the end of yours, this will keep you going a bit longer
-Sample pack of Excedrin - Thank you, I know this job can be a headache
Paperclip - to hold it all together -
hersey kiss- to last until we get to kiss again
Mint - because you are worth a mint
Phone cards-reminder to call home
Candle - to light up the darkness
Tootsie Roll - to help you roll with the punches
-Laughy taffy- to remind you to laugh
-Jolly Rancher - to remind you how sweet things can be
Map of USA-- so you will never be far from home.
Yellow Ribbon-So you will know you will always be supported till you come home-
A Bag- To help you keep it all together



Semper Fi!