Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Update :)

I got the best news ever while I was at work last night. My phone started going off when I was ringing up a customer so I hit ignore. When I saw that it was my Marine I ran over to the counter where the manager couldn't see ;) and called him back. I could only talk a few minutes but he said he had GOOD news!

He's more than likely, hopefully coming home next week! YAY! I pray that nothing comes up before then and he really gets to come home. I already asked off work for next thursday-sunday. He said he will probably get home some time thrusday. But then saturday he has to go upstate ( haven't asked him why yet) and he doesn't know after that :( So I suppose i'll have thursday, friday, and possibly saturday morning to see him. It may only be a day or two but it doesn't matter because one day with him can last me forever.

But whenever he comes down something always, always comes up and nothing ever goes as planned :( Last time he came down for a weekend he promised that we would have a WHOLE day to ourselves because I had been super stressed lately..the day comes around and I wait and wait and wait...and he ends up having to help his parents out ALLDAY and then his bestfriend drops by and he said it would be better if i came over the next day but I had school! I ended up getting there late that night and had to leave the next morning so we had very little time together.

That makes me so angry when that happens....I understand that he has to make time for his friends and family and myself in the short time he gets but I can't help wanting to spend as much time as possible with him! I hope it's not like that this time. It may be the last time I see him before he deploys. But i'll guess i'll have to settle for one night with him. I never once have cried when I have to tell him goodbye but no guarantees that I won't this time.

I've been a mess lately... I'm pretty sure this birth control i'm on is seriously f***** with my hormones and messing me up. I'm going to the doctor next month to change or get off of it one. But they said it would take 3 months to get adjusted and i'm on the 3rd month and nothing has changed. Plus it was supposed to help my acne...no signs of improving....I've been REALLY depressed and hate feeling like this and have no idea why! I feel like crap all the time now and have these horrible mood swings. I've already lost a friend because of it :\ There's no other explanation! It has to be this damn BC!

On a lighter note, got my t-shirt in the mail today and i'm also making some more in art. I can't focus in school now, my mind is pre-occupied with daydreaming of Cale finally coming home. Can't wait. Guess God heard my prayers :)

Semper Fi!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Ugh.

I can't help feeling so down and upset. :( I HATE THIS!! This week marks 8 very long since i've seen my Marine. We never get the chance to talk anymore and it's killing me being so damn distant and separated from him. How badly i just want to talk to him and hear his voice and see him....there's SO many things I want to talk to him about and ask him but we never get to talk anymore at all....

When I get upset sometimes the first thing I think about is texting him but I refuse to let him see my weakness shining through. I have to be strong for him, I can't let him know how much i'm hurting and how much I hate this :( how it kills me not to know anything and be so far away... not knowing if he'll get to come home soon.... i'm trying so hard to be strong but I hate this... it's killing me :( If i had the promise that he was coming home before he leaves then I could live with it... I would have something to look forward too... I try not to talk to him about any of this because I can't help feeling selfish when I do :(

Every day I wake up...go to school....sometimes work... keep myself as busy as possible....wondering if today will be the day I hear from him that he's coming home....I miss him so much it hurts.....I feel so weak....

Friday, March 27, 2009

Books!

So i'm going to start working on a reading list, any books you would recommend? :)

Here are a few of my absolute favorites that I would recommend if you haven't read them

  • The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice ( Actually, ANY of her books are amazing. She is an EXCELLANT writer)
  • Memoirs of a Geisha- Arthur Golden ( One of my absolute favorite books and movies!)
  • The Other Boeleyn Girl- Phillippa Gregory
  • The Fly Boys- James Bradly ( Excellant book, true account of events, NOT for the squemish, get's pretty detailed and gruesome.)
  • Night- Elie Wiesel ( His powerful tale of living through the Holocaust)

I think i'm about to start working on a scrap book. :) I have one, I just have never started it yet. I think it will be a fun way to occupy some of my spare time. I love geting artsy and crafty :D

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Care Packages

Lately, i've been wanting to get involved and make a difference doing something for the community I know there are alot of organizations all across the country that are run by volunteers who raise money to send soldiers care packages while they are deployed. It is the simple things like this that let the soldiers know that us back home really care about them and support everything they are doing.I would LOVE to try to get school and the community invovled in something like this. The only thing is I have no idea how to even begin to go about this. But hey, it's worth a shot right? :)

I'm going to talk to a few people and propose the idea and see what they say before I try to propose the idea to the school and the community. I think I will talk to the pastor at our Church. He's a really good friend of the family and i'd love to get his intake on the idea. It would be AMAZING to raise money for something like this, the soldiers overseas definitely need all of our love and support! If there is already something like this in the community, then i'd love to get involved and spread the word.Maybe just maybe I could get enough volunteers and people interested that this could really go somewhere! I have a really great feeling about this!

If I could get this started and start raising money then in a few months when Cale and the unit he is with gets settled in Afghanistan, i'd LOVE to try to send all the men in his unit care packages and surprise him.

Semper Fi!

Reading list anyone??

It's amazing how a single text message from my Marine can make my day. :) I often go a day or two without hearing from him but this morning while I was in school I recieved a text from him. My heart aways jumps the minute I see it's from him.. This is what it said.. " I'm so sorry for all this April, it's hard to sneak a text in between work but I just wanted to tell you I love you so much. " That made my day, i've been in such a great mood. It's amazing the power of a single text, call, or email. I always save the sweet texts on my phone and flip through them when i'm feeling down, it really helps calm my heart and serve as a reminder of his love for me. <3

I want to say thankyou to all the people that have been praying for Cale & I. It truely means more than I could ever say and over this past week i've grown to have a very peaceful and joyful feeling in my heart. I know that everything is going to work out and he'll be coming soon before he deploys. :)

Also since I absolutely LOVE to read, I have a brilliant idea! [I know you're reading this Brandi! :)] Over the next 7-8 months I have to find some way to occupy my time and I want to come up with a reading list to go down while Cale is deployed. So.... if you know any great books that are a must read or you come across any in your reading, let me know and i'm going to try to put together a list of all the books I want to read before my Marine comes home. It can be sort of a challenge :) Anyone want to do this with me? OR if you know of any hobbies or organizations that support the troops that I could get involved with, let me know! I'd love to volunteer any extra time I have for a charity organization or anything of that nature. Any suggestions, just let me know. I want to stay busy, busy, busy and this deployment will fly by!


I also ordered my t-shirt that I posted in a previous post. I'm so excited, I can't wait to get it in the mail, hopefully it fits because I want to wear it for red Fridays and support our troops! Yay :)

Semper Fi! :)

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Keep the comments to yourself.

I've gotta admit... it's pretty hurtful when the person whose opinion matters the most to you can't be supportive of your relationship. My father had a heart attack when I was six so my mom has been like a mother and a father to me. She is a beautiful, strong lady and she raised me right but I just don't understand why she can't just be happy for me.

My patience has finally paid off and God has sent me an amazing, handsome, strong, loving Marine who treats me with so much respect and shows me so much love. They say that God only pairs the strongest women with men in the Military and I believe that's true. I know in my heart that he has a plan for us... and yet when I try to explain this to my mother... she has the nerve to laugh in my face!!!

I finally broke down tonight, but boy does it feel good to just let it out and cry your eyes out. I am so very sick of hearing all the comments...they never stop! Yes , i'm 17 and have my whole life ahead of me but i'm a strong, beautiful, responsible , mature woman and I can make my own choices in life.. Yet I have to be constantly be put down and told that i'm to young to know whats right for me and that i'm too young to be in love and that Cale and I don't know each other well enough to be in a serious relationship...that it's not meant to be... that it will never work... that you never marry your first love. Every one I speak to tells me these things but it hurts the most coming from my mother. She even had the nerve once to imply that she thinks he is quote unquote... ruining my life! How dare she say something like that?!? If she only knew how hard it is already....

Yes, he is my first real boyfriend and my first real relationship and yes i've only dated one other guy but turned down countless others..... it's almost as if i've been waiting for him all along and I don't care to know what it's like to be with other men. He's everything i could ever ask for.... bu t that gives NOONE the right to sit there and tell me that's it's just not meant to be, that it isn't right. They act like they are God!!! Only God knows what's meant to be and the future of your life. Only God knows if you will marry your first love, no one else.

Every thing happens for a reason and i've been through many things in my life that have shaped me into the strong young lady that I am today and there is a purpose behind everything. Maybe just maybe God was turing me into a strong lady so it could prepare me to be with a man in the military, with Cale. Because it's very hard and trying and it takes a damn strong woman.

So please keep your comments to yourself. I will NOT sit here and take this anymore, from anyone.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Just one of those days...

It has been six longs week since i've seen my Marine and i'm missing him more and more every day. I feel so distant from him but I know that he's just busy, busy, busy. We spent an absolutely amazing weekend together six weeks ago before every thing went to hell, as he puts it. He doesn't get breaks or weekends anymore, he's working his ass off 24/7 which doesn't leave anyone with any time or energy to talk. He's exhausted...I can hear it in his voice when he calls. I'm trying to keep him thinking positive, that's all I can really do. Hopefully things will slow down soon.

It's looking like his deployment is mid-April and I pray that he gets to come home before then. I know that I just have to be strong, keep my head up, stay positive and try to live everyday to the fullest. I know there will be plenty of days when I don't feel like getting out of bed and facing the world, there will be nights when I cry myself to sleep at night missing him so...this deployment is going to tough but im going to get through it without complaining. I fall asleep every night knowing that my Marine is serving the country and keep us safe.

I miss him and all the little things though...
  • I miss his smile.
  • I miss always waking up before him in the mornings and snuggling up closer.
  • I miss the look in his eyes when he looks at me.
  • I miss how he would always kiss my forehead and my heart would melt on the spot.
  • I miss how safe I feel when i'm in his arms.


There is nothing I hate more than hearing a girl complain that they haven't seen there boyfriend in a day or too.. well sorry hunny but some of us haven't seen our men in days, months, or even a year so why don't you do us all a favor and grab a pair of ovaries and handle it like a woman!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Red Fridays

Be a part of RED FRIDAY...Support the troops!

Ask a uniformed member of the U.S. military, "What can I do to make things better for you?" You will likely receive in reply, "We need your support and prayers."

You can show your support of the troops by example: wear some thing RED every Friday.
Americans who support the troops used to be called the "silent majority". They are no longer silent. They are individually demonstrating support for the troops. They are not organized, boisterous or over-bearing. They get little, if any, news media coverage on TV or in newspapers to reflect their message or opinions.

Many Americans simply want a way to show that the vast majority of Americans support their troops. The idea of civilians showing solidarity and support for the troops with dignity and respect will happen every Friday and continue each and every Friday until the troops come home, sending a quiet but deafening message.

By word of mouth and example every Friday --- Americans can make the United States a SEA OF RED, much like fans support their team at a homecoming football game. If every individual who supports the troops will share this with acquaintances, co-workers, friends and family, it will not be long before the USA is covered in RED ON FRIDAY to let our uniformed military members know that the once "silent majority" is in full support of the troops.
WE LIVE IN THE HOME OF THE FREE, ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I just learned about red fridays and i'm going to start wearing red every friday to show my support! If you support the troops you should as well! In fact, i'm going to order this shirt as soon as I get some extra money.

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"An American Marine Girlfriend
Proudly Standing by my man. "

Yeah, he's my hero!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

I am...

So I found this.. and I love it...it's very true.


You think you know me, but you really don't have a clue....I'm the blonde standing behind you in line at the grocery store, eying the newest "Support Our Troops" magnet while waiting in line. The look on my face is always complacent and my thoughts are thousands of miles away.I’m the girl in the next car with glossy eyes listening to that stupid song I am convinced the radio is tormenting me with on purpose. I’m the girl who has fought an inner battle, trying to accept the path the man she loves has chosen. I'm the girl who will willingly leave her family, her friends and her home to follow a man clear across the country. I'm the woman who never asked for this, but deals with it without complaint. I’m the one who hates war but knows that it's a necessary thing. I'm the one who supports her President regardless of her own opinion because he is the man her loved one is fighting under. I am the girl who tries her hardest to go about her everyday life. I am the girl who tries to concentrate at work but frankly finds it damn near impossible at times. I am the girl who hates sleeping alone, but reminds herself – this is what I chose. I am the girl who closes her eyes and pretends that the man she loves is right there next to her, his arms wrapped around her. I am the girl who tries not to miss him, and who tries not to cry whenever she hears his name or even the mention of Marines. I'm the girl who fights a battle every morning when it comes time to get out of bed and face yet another day without him here, just so he'll be proud of me when he does come home. I'm the girl who lays awake each night in tears because no matter how hard I try, I can't fall asleep knowing he's so far away. I'm the girl who sits quietly because all I can think about is that next moment when he will be home, and I can finally breathe again. I'm the girl with a million things to say, but not one of them ever comes out because I know you won't be able to understand. I'm the girl that never goes anywhere without her cell phone, just in case he gets a chance to call. I'm the girl whose heart stops every time she sees someone wearing a USMC t-shirt, and who fights back tears anytime a man in uniform walks by. You say that you do know me? What you don't know is that I know love on an entirely different level than most. I know love that survives time and space that knows no jealously and feeds off trust. I know that 'love' that most people spend their entire lives searching for, but never find. I'm one of those girls that waits months for a single kiss; a kiss that will make months apart worth the wait; a kiss where everything in the world seems to just stop. You don't understand that when he leaves part of me goes with him, and part of him stays with me. You don't understand how we can be so far away from each other for so long and remain faithful. You don't understand how I can put so much trust into one person, so much love into something that I'm not able to admire face to face day by day. You tell me the Military is a relationship killer; I say it kills the weak. You tell me that he won't wait for me, and I tell you that I'm one of the reason's he's hanging on. You tell me you know how I feel and that you understand what I'm going through; although I appreciate you attempting to sympathize with me, you really have no idea…. I'm one of those girls who will stand tall and stay strong on the outside, but will be dying on the inside; waiting for the moment I am finally alone, so that I can break down and cry. I am one of the girls who will make friends with complete strangers because only they can fully understand what exactly I'm going through. You don't understand that I picture his face everywhere I go and that he is in everything I do. You think I don't cry anymore and that I've gotten over it, but what you don't know is that I just hide it, better. You don't know the feeling the first time you hear the word deployment or the feeling of his hand as it slides out of yours for what could be the last time. You don't know what that last hug or kiss means and how important that last moment in his arms at the airport truly is. I'm the girl you see standing alone in the corner of the airport watching quietly out the window with tears rolling down my cheeks. I'm the girl you see walking by with a disheartened face staring silently at the ground. You tell me that you support our Soldiers; I tell you, I'm in love with one. I'm one of the silent, but outgoing; weak, but strong; scared, but grateful. I'm one of those girls; the girl who stands tall behind her Soldier, stands proud behind her Hero, stands strong behind her man, watching silently as he serves and defends our country


Happy moments, Praise God.
Difficult moments, Seek God.
Quiet moments, Worship God.
Painful moments, Trust God.
Every moment, Thank God.

My Hero, My Marine.

I remember the very first time I ever met my Marine, he had long black hair and bad acne but he sure was cute. He played the drums and the guitar and boy was he good. We talked all the time and then one day we just lost touch, went our separate ways I guess you could say. I went through my first three years of highschool and never gave it much thought. I heard through the friend who introduced us that he joined the Marines. I didn't expect to hear from him again and then one day last year I signed onto AIM and and recieved an IM asking, "who is this?"

I recognized his screen name but I never expected him to remember who I was but susprisingly he did. He said he always saw my SN on his buddy list and finally realized one day that he didn't know who it was..It's funny how fate works..how niether of us ever changed our screennames even though i'd thought about it many times...We started to talk and I learned that he had enlisted in the Marines not long after he graduated. As the days passed we started to talk more and more online and then exchanged phone numbers. He was stationed at Camp Lejeune in NC and here I was...in Georgia. It was long distance from the start.


He was different than any civilian guy and the more we talked, the more I liked him. We grew close over the summer and he talked about coming home to see me but he wasn't able to come home until November. The plan was to meet half way between his house and mine and I would ride back with him to his house. It was the first time we had seen each other in person for years...

I was so nervous! When I pulled up, he was already there waiting in the parking lot. When I got into his car the first thing he said was..."Wow." I remember thinking how his pictures did NOT do him any justice, he was so handsome! It seemed like the ride back to his house dragged on for ever! I was extremely nervous and quiet the entire night. When we got to his house we ended up watching old home videos...and wow! there's nothing like seeing a boy (who grows up to be a Marine) dancing around with a broomstick singing Billy Ray Cyrus; he also had a mullet! :)I still tease him about that..we curled up on the couch and the first time he kissed me, I knew I was in love.

When he took me back to my car that night he asked me if I had ever been afraid to tell someone something. We hugged and i didn't want to let go at all. I didn't know when I would get to see him again. While we were standing there in each others arms he whispered in my ear.."April, I love you. I knew the moment I saw you." Everything fell into place right then, I was in love with Marine. No doubt about it. It's hard work loving a Marine! We have been together for four months and the majority of that time we have been away from each other. Now he is about to leave for Afghanistan but i'm going to wait on my Marine. True love survives distance and time and I know we will get through this together.

I have never felt this way about anyone before. He makes my heart melt and I treasure every single day and moment we get together because they are few and far between.There's nothing in this world that compares to the feeling of being in his arms again after days and months of being apart. He's my hero and i'm so very proud of him.

What can I say? Civilian guys bore me!
Semper Fi ; always and forever!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Deployment

So the dates got moved up and my Marine is now leaving for Afghanistan at the end of the month. I didn't expect it to happen so soon or for it to be this hard. He's so busy training that we haven't gotten much time to talk lately. At this point in time he doesn't know if he'll get to come home or even if they will allow his family and I to be there the day that he leaves. He will be gone for 6-7 months and knowing that I may not get to spend any time with him before he leaves is killing me. I'm trying so hard to be strong for him but there are still nights that I find myself in bed crying, missing him so much. I know it's going to be so hard....like he said tonight...if we can make it through this then we will survive a marriage, no problem at all. I asked him tonight if he thinks we will get engaged as soon as he gets back..his response.. "I know we will."

So I have so much to look forward too...when he comes home we will get engaged and we can finally be together, no barriers in the way of our relationship. We can start a beautiful life together as soon he returns from Afghanistan. It would be different if he were going to Iraq, but he's going to Afghanistan, a hot spot. I'm so scared...but I'm not complaining in any way, I understood perfectly well what I was getting into before we even got together. I'm a Marine girlfriend and a lot of hardships and sacrifice come with that title. But i'm proud of my Marine. He is serving his country and protecting our freedom. He is my hero, my love, my soulmate, my future, my everything. I'm starting college as soon as possible and plan on getting a better job to occupy my time and hopefully the months will full by. I also found an amazing support website that has alot of women who have been or are going through the same situation.

It's hard when none of your family or your friends can not fully understand what you are going through and how much it hurts because they have never been in this situation before. It doesn't help matters that I have to constantly put up with the "you're too young to be serious" "you never marry your first love" "you will regret not living your life first" comments..... But we are going to get through this, I know we will. I will be praying for him and his safe return, along with all the other troops and their families.

God Bless the Troops. <3