Motorcycles

I hardly ever get on here to blog anymore since I graduated. The summer absolutely flew by. If I wouldn't have procrastinated getting this whole college deal figured out, i'd be starting the fall semester, August 17th. But... I waited too long to try to get everything figured out so i'm going to hopefully get into the spring semester. I'm hoping it will work out for the best this way anyways. Waiting one semester to start college is surely not that big a deal.. like my mother's making it out to be....arghhh. parents!

While I have this time off, i'm going to hopefully get a better job & try to find some flying lessons around so I can start working towards getting my private pilot's license. It's going to cost about $5,000-6,000 & i'm hoping I can have it done in two years which is how long it'll take to get my core classes at college out of the way. Afterwards, I plan on going into the Military, but guess we'll see where life takes me.

The Marine & I are no longer in touch. He finally sent me a message a month ago asking me not to speak to him anymore. I've been working on closing that door & moving on with my life. I've met someone new & i'm really starting to like him but it's to early to tell if it's going to go anywhere.. He has two motorcycles & he took me for my first ride on one today, it was SO much fun. I loved it & he said he would teach me how to ride one because i've been wanting to get one. He's a very sweet guy & he makes me smile.

Monday is my birthday, yayyy! I'm going to the river tomorrow with my friend & her two year old son. Then saturday after they get off work, her boyfriend & this new guy ^^^ are going to come down. I'm so excited, it's going to be alot of fun :)

That's a quick update on my life :)

War

It is 2:56 AM right now & one of my very close friends is on his way to Afghanistan. He's a 19 year old, fearless, anxious soldier on his way to war. One of many. I know he's ready & I have so much respect for him. He's always been such a great friend. I recently saw him again for the first time in 4 years. Now it will be another year before I see him. Hopefully i'll get a letter from him in the next few months. In in the mean time, he's in my prayers as are all the brave men & women in the Military <3

Ever since I graduated, i've been trying to live every day to the fullest. The past few weeks have been filled with crazy adventures. I've done things I never thought i'd do (*cough* skinny dipping among them *cough*) & made many memories i'll always look back on & smile upon. But it hasn't been all fun & games. Every single time you think life is going good, something else is thrown your way. Another obstacle you have to over come.

Six months ago I fell in love with a Marine. He was everything i'd ever wanted & everything I thought i'd ever need. I spent an amazing weekend with him in February & afterwards he started training & preparing to deploy in March. Things started to go downhill shortly after. I never imagined it would have been anything like what it was and I was upset that he'd been keeping this from me for so long... but i'm going to be there for him & help him any way that I can. When he didn't get to deploy, he became depressed. It's hard because no one wants to see any one they care about struggling with any thing like this......I'm really not sure if we'll be together again, it's complicated. Love really is blind.

I'm going to bed.

God bless the troops <3

Inspiration

<" Summer time, I think, is a collective unconscious. We all remember the notes that made up the song of the ice cream man; we all know what it feels like to brand our thighs on a playground slide that's heated up like a knife in a fire; we all have lain on our backs with our eyes closed and our hearts beating across the surface of our lids, hoping that this day will stretch just a little longer than the last one, when in fact it's all going in the other direction."


I'm putting the last six months of my life behind me & looking to the future. I'm no longer a Marine girlfriend. I had to do what's best for me & by no means is this easy but it was necessary. I grew, learned,& experienced things with him that i'll never forget. I'll always have the memories we made together. Our time together was amazing but it's time to put it in the past & look to the future. In the end, some things just dont' work out. I plan to avoid Pisces from this point forward, haha. According to the Zodiac they are my worst match, yet there's just something about them, something irresistible that I fall for every time.


With every day that goes by, i'm learning something new about myself. When you are born & raised in the south you can try all you want to deny your roots but they eventually come shining through. My friends aren't going to believe this.... but i've even been listening to country music lately. What can I say...my sounthern side was hiding under the surface, bound to pop up sooner or later ;)


There's this one person in my life & he's my inspiration to be just who I am, myself. Ever since i've known this person, he's never tried to be someone he isn't which never fails to amaze me. He is genuinely, just...himself...I'm not sure he'll ever know how much of an impact he's made on my life. Everyone has their own inspiration to be themselves, well he's mine.

From now on, i'm going to try to just be myself & open up more. I'm going to try my damnedest to stop caring so much about what other's think. Life's short, so you gotta live it to the fullest, right? Do crazy things, don't be so up tight, have a good laugh. You're only young once.

Beautiful Night

"If the stars should appear but one night every thousand years how man would marvel and stare."
What a day! We had graduation practice in the gym today in case it rains tomorrow night) & we were there forever. They couldn't get anything right. I'm excited but i'm just ready for all this to be over with already!

I had to work 4-10 today & on my way to work, one of my tires blew. The noise scared me & I saw the rubber flying off in the mirror. Luckily, I was able to pull right over safely. My Stepdad came out to fix it and he let me take his truck on to work. It feels so weird driving that big ole truck! But it was nice riding home with windows that actually row down and the music up loud. The sky is absolutely cloudless & it's such a beautiful night. It was ironic though because about a week ago one of my tires had a leak & my stepdad plugged it & it wasn't that tire that blew, it was one of my good ones!

I think my bestfried cursed my car! Lately it seems as if every car she gets into ends up having some kind of trouble that day. She rode with me to graduation practice this morning & then my good tire blows out.... Strange! Haha.

There was finally alittle bit of sun today! I truely hope this rainy weather is over. I can't wait to get some suuuuun.

I'm going to eat some chocolate icecream and get ready for bed. I have a busy day tomorrow! :)

Stained Glass

"People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the light is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. "


We had graduation practice bright and early this morning. When my lovely madre got off work, we went shopping to try and find a dress for Graduation. We had fun spending time together :D We went to a Mexican restaurant & I paid for us to eat and she got a Margarita! It was the first time she had a drink in forever and she got a buzz, it was hilarious. It was just so nice to finally see her having a good time * enjoying herself for once, she deserves it. It truely made my heart smile. :)

I'm so blessed in life and I thank God every day for all that he's given me. However, there is something that's truely troubling my heart...all of my three brother's have no religion. They think Christianity is a joke. I believe they have hardened their hearts to the Lord and I feel like there is nothing I can do. It truely tears me up inside because i'm very close to them & I love them with all my heart. If anything ever happens to them, then I lose them forever. I want them to have a place in Heaven with me when our life on earth is up..but if they have already hardened their hearts, what can I do?

I've walked through a good many valleys, all leading me to the point I am at today. Two years ago I was lost & doubtful until I got saved and started out on an amazing journey...I just want everyone to experience the joy & love of a relationship with the Lord.

I don't know where all that came from...I guess it was just pressing on my heart & needed to be put into words.

Freedom's in the air :D

I should be half way to North Carolina right now! Yesterday was my official last day of highschool. The plan was to leave bright and early this morning to go spend the weekend with my boyfriend, after four long months; 15 weeks apart. I was so very close to being in his arms again, I was thinking nothing could go wrong this time.. Yet once again, something came up.

Turns out he got flagged for duty this weekend. It kind of ruined my mood so I did not enjoy the senior cookout. Work helped to take my mind off of it & then one of my friends & I rented some movies and bought a pizza. We had a girls night, She knew I needed some serious cheering up. :) Two of my brother's called last night and want me to go over and hang out with them, so i'm about to get ready and go do that.

Cale has a 95% chance of coming home next month after his surgery so it's not all that bad. Knowing I don't have to get up and go to highschool anymore is an odd feeling.I don't know what the summer's going to hold ..but I can't wait for the sun to truely start shining again.

I'm looking forward to going down to the lake this summer & staying with my oldest brother, sister-in-law & nephew for a bit. Maybe I can find a summer job there, i'm going to try. I'm not getting anywhere at my current job working two days a week. I won't be 18 until August so I can't really get a better job until then.

I need to save up and get a new car. I drive a 94 jimmy & the air went out. On top of that, only one window rows up. Hoping to get either the air or the windows fixed before the heat gets here.


One of my good friends who is in the Army, is about to deploy next month and he's going home next week. I haven't seen him in four years, since the 8th grade so i'm hoping I can see him before he leaves.


I'm looking forward to spending time at the lake, getting some summer clothes, exercising more, meeting new people, taking advantage of my sixflags season pass, hopefully spending more time with Cale, and new adventures. :D

Freedom is in the air.

Sunshine

" As long as the sun continues to shine, there's a place in my heart for you. That's the bottom line."


Truth be told, through every dark night, there's a bright day after that. I truely haven't been this happy in quite awhile. Things have been very rocky for Cale & I. We have been apart more than four months of the six we have been together. Distance has started to wear on our relationship & things have been falling apart. Yesterday I decided to send him a picture with a quote underneath. It said, " If there is ever a tomorrow when we are not together, there is something you must always remember: even if we are apart, i'll always be with you."

We ended up texting for hours last night until we fell asleep & he made time to text me and tell me good morning. We both agree that things were not supposed to be this hard for both of us but I feel in my heart that things will get nothing but better from this point in time. He's finally stepping up. I pray that he will able to come home next month :)

I woke up this morning with a heart filled with joy & excitment. With only four days of highschool left, this is it. :)

Cheers to the future, new adventures & new people, and growing & learning more.

Motivation.

"Life is an instrument for a song, like the sun for tomorrow's dawn, every moment of time's just an answer to find what you're here for, what you breathe for, what you wake for, what you bleed for."

With only four or five more days of school left, this is it. The beginning of the rest of my life. I have no sure game plan, only a rough outline with all my goals & dreams. Yesterday, a good friend of mine asked me how I was so motivated, how i've always made good grades & always found time to do my homework after a looong day. I said, it's simple...I want to be successful & make something of my self, go places and accomplish great things in life. I was then asked my definition of successful. My goal in life is to have a good career that i'm passionate about and most importantly, enjoy.

Two of my three brothers never made it out of middle school. They dropped out before 8th grade, got involved with the wrong crowd, started doing drugs. I've watched drugs destroy my brother & sister in law's life. My oldest brother has come to be addicted to pain pills. My father was an acholic and he passed away with a heart attack in his early forties when I was six years old. The youngest of my three brothers graduated high school but he's not going to college or choosing to better himself. He's now working with my oldest brother. My three brothers haven't done anything with their lifes. I'm determined too. I'm going to be the first person in my family to go to college and do great things with my life. I love my brothers, they have been my influence to succeed in life, choose my friends wisely, and stay away from drugs, alcohol, and partying. I'd be lost without them.

All I can do at this point in time is pray that i'll be able to listen with an open heart & mind, understand, & make wise choices regarding my future has God reveals his plan for my life. <3

Hope you have a beautiful weekend!
Thought i'd sure these pictures of my baby, Rascal. He's a free spirit & will be two years old this month. :)

8's

So I was tagged :) Here ya go.

8 things I am looking forward to:

1. Graduating in a few weeks.
2. Having adventures & spending more time with family & friends this summer.
3. Spending more time with my Marine & building our relationship.
4. Starting college in the fall.
5. SKYDIVING this summer :)
6. Turning 18.
7. Getting into shape & getting healthier.
8. I'm looking forward to the future in general.


8 things I did yesterday:

1. Went to school.
2. Picked up my paycheck & got it cashed.
3. Ate Mexican with one of my best friends.
4. Went to the library.
5. Started to read Dear John by Nicolas Sparks.
6. Played Zelda: Twilight Princess.
7. Bought some things for my scrapbook.
8. Exercised.


8 things I wish I could do:

1. Learn to fly & get my pilot's license.
2. Travel the world & experience different cultures.
3. Go skydiving.
4. Become one of the few female fighter pilots in the military.
5. Truely make a difference in the world & impact someone's life in a great way.
6. Find a better job that I enjoy.
7. Get a new car.
8. Accomplish all my dreams & goals in life.


8 shows I watch:

1. Nip/Tuck
2. NCIS
3. The Secret Life of an American teenager.
4. Family Guy
5. House.
6. America's funniest home videos.
7. 1000 ways to die.
8. Extreme Makeover; Home Edition.

Kidney stones & Smallpox

It's been quite awhile since i've posted. I was out of school for spring break & went to spend some time with some family. Other than that, i've been reading alot lately. I started the Left Behind series and they are AMAZING books. If you haven't read them, i'd strongly suggest them. I started on the 6th book in the series today after school and just finished it in a single setting, 412 pages!

I want to thank all people who have been praying for Cale & I and our relationship. I strongly believe in the power of prayer and I feel in my heart that things are going to get better. Graduation is right around the corner, with only three weeks of school left. As it turns out, Cale is NOT deploying after all.

When he first told me he wasn't deploying, he mentioned it was because the lists were being switched around left and right. I recently told him that I didn't feel like we were in a relationship at all, there has been close to no communication or effort on his part. Things have been rocky. I didn't hear from him all week until he called me saturday night. He is in pretty bad shape right now.

Friday he was in so much pain that he went to the hospital and turns out he had his first ever kidney stone. He was able to pass it with little pain due to the medicine they gave him. On top of that, a few weeks ago, the men getting deployed all got a Smallpox vaccine. Well...his skin broke open and he's had a really bad reaction to it. Turns out he's not getting deployed because he has a cyst he has to have removed and his surgery was scheduled for after the deployment, the 15th of this month. He's in pretty bad shape and to top all of that, he had 24 hour duty yesterday. I feel horrible but he agreed he should have kept me more informed.

We talked about our relationship & I told him that things have really got to change. We both agreed that our relationship is in shambles right now but we really want to work together and rebuild it. Not that he's not deploying, he has ALOT of time to talk now & no excuses so we will see if he really steps up to his words & promises. His surgery is on the 15th and after that he should be home on medical leave for a week or two. I can't deny that i'll be so happy to see him and finally be in his arms again, after almost 13 weeks. While i'm not happy that he's having surgery, we both feel like him missing this deployment will be good for us because we can really work on our relationship.

I believe this may be a blessing for our relationship and an answer to my prayers.. With him not deploying anymore and me graduation this month, things will change considerably. We will be able to see each other more often. If you could just please keep him in your prayers & his health. It would be appreciated.

Semper Fi!

Missing piece.

I've grown to feel like something is missing from life...as if there is a missing piece. I just can't seem to figure it out.

Peace & Quiet

Lately, there has been alot on my mind and i've come to enjoy all the peace and quiet time alone that I can get. It seems as if everday that goes by, i'm growing to love the outdoors and nature even more. Nature is so peaceful and beautiful. I love reading, walking in the woods, fishing, and just soaking up all the beauty of another warm, beautiful spring day. I feel myself growing, learning, and appreciating more every day as Graduation draws near.

I have been reading alot more than usual lately. It seems to be the only thing that truely helps to get my mind off of Cale & this deployment. I have a huge stack of books waiting to be read so that will keep me busy for quite a while. I am so thankful that my very first teacher encouraged me to read and for my Mother teaching me to love to read. She always says that before I could read, I would memorize the words to books she read to me and I would "read" them when I was alone. Apparently I "read" so loud that everyone would tell my mother to make me hush so they could watch their TV. ;) But she was always taking me to the library and so my love for reading grew. It's my way of blocking out reality.

This deployment is putting alot of strain on Cale & I's relationship. Things are tough and i'm not going to go into detail. I'm just praying that we can get a chance to finally talk this weekend and work things out before he leaves for Afgahnistan. If it's God's will, then things will work out. <3

Spring Break is the week after next. :) I asked off work for half the week to spend some time with my brothers & nieces & nephews. If tomorrow is as pretty as it was today, we are going to cook out and maybe go fishing. I hope everyone has a beautiful weekend!

Just thought i'd share this picture because it made me smile. The newest addition to our "farm" family.

Truely blessed.

This one has nothing to do with the Marine Corps :)

As I was sitting here thinking about my life, i've come to realize that I am so truely blessed in life with a great family, loving boyfriend, and a few of the most amazing, true friends that anyone could ever ask for. I just wanted to take the time to write about a few of those people because they truely make my heart smile and they are in my thoughts today.

I've been blessed with a few, true friends in life. To be honest, i'd rather have a few, TRUE friends than a million casual friends. I know they will always be a part of my life and have a little knook and cranny in my heart :)


Brandi- You are truely one of the sweetest, most beautiful, strong, amazing ladies that i've ever
met and i'm so thankful to have you in my life. We can relate so well and it never fails to amaze me how we can just talk, talk, talk, talk about anything and everything. :) You have helped me through so much these past few years and I know I can always come to you and just pour out my heart and soul and you never judge me, you just listen and always have advice when I ask. You have watched me grow up so much these past three years and I've had the pleasure and seeing two of my best friends get married and start a BEAUTIFUL family together. I know it hasn't been easy at times and there will many rough patches to come but I will always, always be here for you and Mia is truely lucky to have such an awesome momma! I know she's going to look up to you :) I honestly can't thank you enough for all you have done and helped me through and all the nice, kind words of encouragement that have pulled me through many tough times. I love you so much!

Laura- I could say so much about this girl. She's my bestfriend and my sister. We have so many amazing times together and are always making new memories. She's truely one of a kind and i'm thankful that she's become such a big part of my life. We have both grown up so much together and we are both very, mature for our age. I think that's part of the reason we get along so well and never fight. She's a great, true friend. <3

Amber- We have grown apart a lot this last year or two but she'll always remain one of my best friends, no matter what. She is truely unique and there is no other like her. We have been friends since the 7th grade and we have grown into beautiful, strong, young ladies together. Of course we had plenty of ups and downs but she's amazing and I always want her to be a part of my life. :)

Cale- My first love, my boyfriend, my heart, my life. I never expected to fall in love so soon or so fast, I thought I had my life figured out and it didn't include any serious relationship until I got a life going for myself. But he came back into my life and swept me off my feet, so to say. He's so different from all the other men i've ever met.. He's self-suffient, disicplined, respectful, strong, kind.. he's a Marine and the love of my life. He shows me so much respect and love and even though it's a hard, long-distance relationship I know he loves me and cares about me, I can hear it in his voice when he calls and see it in his eyes. He supports my decision to go into the military myself and has not once tryed to convince me other wise. He has even said that when his term of service is up he would go into the reserves and follow me around if I go into the AF. I know God has a plan for us, I can feel in my heart. We fit together perfectly. < 3

So these are just a few of the people who have special places in my heart.

Set myself up for disappointment yet again.

He's not coming home this weekend after all... in fact... there is only about a 2 % chance that he will even get to come home at all now. I just talked to him on the phone, for about five minutes. He said alot of Marines are having fights with their girlfriends who don't understand why they can't just come home... he said he's lucky to have me because I understand that it's out of his control. He also said I had every right to be upset and angry because of his lack of communication. He said he feels like he's screwing up our relationship because of it, he said he feels like such a dick. I can't deny that I am angry and upset with how he has left me so in the dark and clueless...didn't make much of effort to keep me updated like he promised. In fact, he didn't make any effort at all.He knows i'm angry and upset too. I can't stopping crying, i've been so upset all day. But there seems to finally be a set date for this deployment....the week after next...

But it's completely out of his hands whether he will get to come home or not but he's going to try everything he can to come home to see me and I believe him. It's just the fact that I have to wait another damn week, not knowing if i'll get to see him and say goodbye before he leaves that is tearing me up. It's so hard to drag myself out of bed in the mornings and face yet another day not knowing... I'm sure i'll be okay if I get to see him and when he leaves. I never expected to fall in love, especially not so fast. He is everything to me. I love him with all my heart and soul. I'm ready for him to leave so this deployment can begin and fly by and he'll be home before I know it and things will be so much better.

The Marine Corps is so stresssful and frustrating. Everything is always changing... first they say that they will definitely get leave... then it goes from... maybe... no... yes... maybe...This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do but it will be so worth it when this deployment is over and he's back home. Of course they moved it down from a year to seven months but that will probably change as well. There was so much I wanted to say to him on the phone....so much I wanted to ask but I just froze up...he had just got off work and he was so tired so he cut me off after five minutes. He said don't ever be afraid to text him and let him know i'm still here but he could do the same thing.

He didn't tell me he was going to the field so I was left wandering what the hell was going on for nearly two weeks and after he promised to keep me updated, he made no effort. Just another promises the USMC couldn't keep. But how could I ever be mad at hime when I pick up the phone to hear "darling" I love him so much.... this is just so frustrating. Things are hell up there right now and I feel so bad for him and all the other men. I need some serious strength right now and i 'm praying that he gets to come home... but I know not to get my hopes up again.. I have to face yet another week of work and school and try to put a smile on my face.

Three more days....

So my Marine is supposed to be coming home thursday or friday. I've been trying not to get my hopes up because everything is constantly changing with the Marines but I just can't help it! The excitement is building up! It has been a long two months since i've been in his arms. It's been rough with him preparing for this deployment. I AM SO EXCITED. I don't care if I only get to spend one night with him before he leaves for Afghanistan, i'll be SO very thankful for whatever amount of time I get with him.


It's looking like this deployment is going to be a tough one though. I was talking to a Marine wife whose husband is stationed in NC with Cale and he's leaving this month as well. She went to a deployment brief with him on base and they said that internet may not be available and the phones may be tied up 24/7. I don't know what to expect because this is out first deployment but I know its' not going to be easy. I also know to accept that he will come back changed to some extent. All the other Marine girlfriends, fiances, and wifes i've talked to say to expect this...just like bootcamp changes them, deployments change them as well. Cales brother is testimony to that. He won't even talk about what happened while he was deployed... I can only imagine it must have been pretty horrible. He's a Marine as well. Hopefully it won't be that bad for Cale. I love him with all my heart and I made a vow to wait patiently and faithfully until he comes home and that's what i'm going to do, Semper Fi!

Military Survival Kit

So I found this online and i think it's such a cute idea. I was thinking about making one for Cale to give to him when he comes home next week. It's so cheesy but cute... I just don't know if he would like it. It may make him smile though so I think i'm going to make him a little kit :)

Military Survival Kit
These fun kits are made simply by adding all of the "ingredients", printing the list of items and their meaning and putting it all in a bag and inexpensive to make.

-Lifesavers - to remind you that that's what you are Single serving of drink mix -
"Instant drink" add water and shake, for when you are on maneuvers
A Match - To light your fire when you're feeling burned out
Smarties - To help you on those days when you don't feel smart
Mounds Bar - to remind you of the mounds of love & support you have from friends & family and members of Operation Military Pride
Tape- To fix things that will not work
Confetti- To remind you to have fun -
A Starburst - To give you a burst of energy on days when you don't have any
-Pack of Gum - to help your unit stick together
Cotton Ball - to cushion the rough roads
A Rubber Band - To stretch yourself beyond the limits
A String - To tie things together when everything falls apart
-Penny - we all need a little luck
A Marble- For when you lose yours
Battery - To give you that extra charge to keep you going... and goin
Piece of Rope - When you reach the end of yours, this will keep you going a bit longer
-Sample pack of Excedrin - Thank you, I know this job can be a headache
Paperclip - to hold it all together -
hersey kiss- to last until we get to kiss again
Mint - because you are worth a mint
Phone cards-reminder to call home
Candle - to light up the darkness
Tootsie Roll - to help you roll with the punches
-Laughy taffy- to remind you to laugh
-Jolly Rancher - to remind you how sweet things can be
Map of USA-- so you will never be far from home.
Yellow Ribbon-So you will know you will always be supported till you come home-
A Bag- To help you keep it all together



Semper Fi!

Update :)

I got the best news ever while I was at work last night. My phone started going off when I was ringing up a customer so I hit ignore. When I saw that it was my Marine I ran over to the counter where the manager couldn't see ;) and called him back. I could only talk a few minutes but he said he had GOOD news!

He's more than likely, hopefully coming home next week! YAY! I pray that nothing comes up before then and he really gets to come home. I already asked off work for next thursday-sunday. He said he will probably get home some time thrusday. But then saturday he has to go upstate ( haven't asked him why yet) and he doesn't know after that :( So I suppose i'll have thursday, friday, and possibly saturday morning to see him. It may only be a day or two but it doesn't matter because one day with him can last me forever.

But whenever he comes down something always, always comes up and nothing ever goes as planned :( Last time he came down for a weekend he promised that we would have a WHOLE day to ourselves because I had been super stressed lately..the day comes around and I wait and wait and wait...and he ends up having to help his parents out ALLDAY and then his bestfriend drops by and he said it would be better if i came over the next day but I had school! I ended up getting there late that night and had to leave the next morning so we had very little time together.

That makes me so angry when that happens....I understand that he has to make time for his friends and family and myself in the short time he gets but I can't help wanting to spend as much time as possible with him! I hope it's not like that this time. It may be the last time I see him before he deploys. But i'll guess i'll have to settle for one night with him. I never once have cried when I have to tell him goodbye but no guarantees that I won't this time.

I've been a mess lately... I'm pretty sure this birth control i'm on is seriously f***** with my hormones and messing me up. I'm going to the doctor next month to change or get off of it one. But they said it would take 3 months to get adjusted and i'm on the 3rd month and nothing has changed. Plus it was supposed to help my acne...no signs of improving....I've been REALLY depressed and hate feeling like this and have no idea why! I feel like crap all the time now and have these horrible mood swings. I've already lost a friend because of it :\ There's no other explanation! It has to be this damn BC!

On a lighter note, got my t-shirt in the mail today and i'm also making some more in art. I can't focus in school now, my mind is pre-occupied with daydreaming of Cale finally coming home. Can't wait. Guess God heard my prayers :)

Semper Fi!

Ugh.

I can't help feeling so down and upset. :( I HATE THIS!! This week marks 8 very long since i've seen my Marine. We never get the chance to talk anymore and it's killing me being so damn distant and separated from him. How badly i just want to talk to him and hear his voice and see him....there's SO many things I want to talk to him about and ask him but we never get to talk anymore at all....

When I get upset sometimes the first thing I think about is texting him but I refuse to let him see my weakness shining through. I have to be strong for him, I can't let him know how much i'm hurting and how much I hate this :( how it kills me not to know anything and be so far away... not knowing if he'll get to come home soon.... i'm trying so hard to be strong but I hate this... it's killing me :( If i had the promise that he was coming home before he leaves then I could live with it... I would have something to look forward too... I try not to talk to him about any of this because I can't help feeling selfish when I do :(

Every day I wake up...go to school....sometimes work... keep myself as busy as possible....wondering if today will be the day I hear from him that he's coming home....I miss him so much it hurts.....I feel so weak....

Books!

So i'm going to start working on a reading list, any books you would recommend? :)

Here are a few of my absolute favorites that I would recommend if you haven't read them

• The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice ( Actually, ANY of her books are amazing. She is an EXCELLANT writer)
• Memoirs of a Geisha- Arthur Golden ( One of my absolute favorite books and movies!)
• The Other Boeleyn Girl- Phillippa Gregory
• The Fly Boys- James Bradly ( Excellant book, true account of events, NOT for the squemish, get's pretty detailed and gruesome.)
• Night- Elie Wiesel ( His powerful tale of living through the Holocaust)

I think i'm about to start working on a scrap book. :) I have one, I just have never started it yet. I think it will be a fun way to occupy some of my spare time. I love geting artsy and crafty :D

Care Packages

Lately, i've been wanting to get involved and make a difference doing something for the community I know there are alot of organizations all across the country that are run by volunteers who raise money to send soldiers care packages while they are deployed. It is the simple things like this that let the soldiers know that us back home really care about them and support everything they are doing.I would LOVE to try to get school and the community invovled in something like this. The only thing is I have no idea how to even begin to go about this. But hey, it's worth a shot right? :)

I'm going to talk to a few people and propose the idea and see what they say before I try to propose the idea to the school and the community. I think I will talk to the pastor at our Church. He's a really good friend of the family and i'd love to get his intake on the idea. It would be AMAZING to raise money for something like this, the soldiers overseas definitely need all of our love and support! If there is already something like this in the community, then i'd love to get involved and spread the word.Maybe just maybe I could get enough volunteers and people interested that this could really go somewhere! I have a really great feeling about this!

If I could get this started and start raising money then in a few months when Cale and the unit he is with gets settled in Afghanistan, i'd LOVE to try to send all the men in his unit care packages and surprise him.

Semper Fi!

Reading list anyone??

It's amazing how a single text message from my Marine can make my day. :) I often go a day or two without hearing from him but this morning while I was in school I recieved a text from him. My heart aways jumps the minute I see it's from him.. This is what it said.. " I'm so sorry for all this April, it's hard to sneak a text in between work but I just wanted to tell you I love you so much. " That made my day, i've been in such a great mood. It's amazing the power of a single text, call, or email. I always save the sweet texts on my phone and flip through them when i'm feeling down, it really helps calm my heart and serve as a reminder of his love for me. <3

I want to say thankyou to all the people that have been praying for Cale & I. It truely means more than I could ever say and over this past week i've grown to have a very peaceful and joyful feeling in my heart. I know that everything is going to work out and he'll be coming soon before he deploys. :)

Also since I absolutely LOVE to read, I have a brilliant idea! [I know you're reading this Brandi! :)] Over the next 7-8 months I have to find some way to occupy my time and I want to come up with a reading list to go down while Cale is deployed. So.... if you know any great books that are a must read or you come across any in your reading, let me know and i'm going to try to put together a list of all the books I want to read before my Marine comes home. It can be sort of a challenge :) Anyone want to do this with me? OR if you know of any hobbies or organizations that support the troops that I could get involved with, let me know! I'd love to volunteer any extra time I have for a charity organization or anything of that nature. Any suggestions, just let me know. I want to stay busy, busy, busy and this deployment will fly by!


I also ordered my t-shirt that I posted in a previous post. I'm so excited, I can't wait to get it in the mail, hopefully it fits because I want to wear it for red Fridays and support our troops! Yay :)

Semper Fi! :)

Keep the comments to yourself.

I've gotta admit... it's pretty hurtful when the person whose opinion matters the most to you can't be supportive of your relationship. My father had a heart attack when I was six so my mom has been like a mother and a father to me. She is a beautiful, strong lady and she raised me right but I just don't understand why she can't just be happy for me.

My patience has finally paid off and God has sent me an amazing, handsome, strong, loving Marine who treats me with so much respect and shows me so much love. They say that God only pairs the strongest women with men in the Military and I believe that's true. I know in my heart that he has a plan for us... and yet when I try to explain this to my mother... she has the nerve to laugh in my face!!!

I finally broke down tonight, but boy does it feel good to just let it out and cry your eyes out. I am so very sick of hearing all the comments...they never stop! Yes , i'm 17 and have my whole life ahead of me but i'm a strong, beautiful, responsible , mature woman and I can make my own choices in life.. Yet I have to be constantly be put down and told that i'm to young to know whats right for me and that i'm too young to be in love and that Cale and I don't know each other well enough to be in a serious relationship...that it's not meant to be... that it will never work... that you never marry your first love. Every one I speak to tells me these things but it hurts the most coming from my mother. She even had the nerve once to imply that she thinks he is quote unquote... ruining my life! How dare she say something like that?!? If she only knew how hard it is already....

Yes, he is my first real boyfriend and my first real relationship and yes i've only dated one other guy but turned down countless others..... it's almost as if i've been waiting for him all along and I don't care to know what it's like to be with other men. He's everything i could ever ask for.... bu t that gives NOONE the right to sit there and tell me that's it's just not meant to be, that it isn't right. They act like they are God!!! Only God knows what's meant to be and the future of your life. Only God knows if you will marry your first love, no one else.

Every thing happens for a reason and i've been through many things in my life that have shaped me into the strong young lady that I am today and there is a purpose behind everything. Maybe just maybe God was turing me into a strong lady so it could prepare me to be with a man in the military, with Cale. Because it's very hard and trying and it takes a damn strong woman.

So please keep your comments to yourself. I will NOT sit here and take this anymore, from anyone.

Just one of those days...

It has been six longs week since i've seen my Marine and i'm missing him more and more every day. I feel so distant from him but I know that he's just busy, busy, busy. We spent an absolutely amazing weekend together six weeks ago before every thing went to hell, as he puts it. He doesn't get breaks or weekends anymore, he's working his ass off 24/7 which doesn't leave anyone with any time or energy to talk. He's exhausted...I can hear it in his voice when he calls. I'm trying to keep him thinking positive, that's all I can really do. Hopefully things will slow down soon.

It's looking like his deployment is mid-April and I pray that he gets to come home before then. I know that I just have to be strong, keep my head up, stay positive and try to live everyday to the fullest. I know there will be plenty of days when I don't feel like getting out of bed and facing the world, there will be nights when I cry myself to sleep at night missing him so...this deployment is going to tough but im going to get through it without complaining. I fall asleep every night knowing that my Marine is serving the country and keep us safe.

I miss him and all the little things though...

• I miss his smile.
• I miss always waking up before him in the mornings and snuggling up closer.
• I miss the look in his eyes when he looks at me.
• I miss how he would always kiss my forehead and my heart would melt on the spot.
• I miss how safe I feel when i'm in his arms.

There is nothing I hate more than hearing a girl complain that they haven't seen there boyfriend in a day or too.. well sorry hunny but some of us haven't seen our men in days, months, or even a year so why don't you do us all a favor and grab a pair of ovaries and handle it like a woman!

Red Fridays

Be a part of RED FRIDAY...Support the troops!

Ask a uniformed member of the U.S. military, "What can I do to make things better for you?" You will likely receive in reply, "We need your support and prayers."

You can show your support of the troops by example: wear some thing RED every Friday.
Americans who support the troops used to be called the "silent majority". They are no longer silent. They are individually demonstrating support for the troops. They are not organized, boisterous or over-bearing. They get little, if any, news media coverage on TV or in newspapers to reflect their message or opinions.

Many Americans simply want a way to show that the vast majority of Americans support their troops. The idea of civilians showing solidarity and support for the troops with dignity and respect will happen every Friday and continue each and every Friday until the troops come home, sending a quiet but deafening message.

By word of mouth and example every Friday --- Americans can make the United States a SEA OF RED, much like fans support their team at a homecoming football game. If every individual who supports the troops will share this with acquaintances, co-workers, friends and family, it will not be long before the USA is covered in RED ON FRIDAY to let our uniformed military members know that the once "silent majority" is in full support of the troops.
WE LIVE IN THE HOME OF THE FREE, ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE!

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I just learned about red fridays and i'm going to start wearing red every friday to show my support! If you support the troops you should as well! In fact, i'm going to order this shirt as soon as I get some extra money.


"An American Marine Girlfriend
Proudly Standing by my man. "

Yeah, he's my hero!

I am...

So I found this.. and I love it...it's very true.


You think you know me, but you really don't have a clue....I'm the blonde standing behind you in line at the grocery store, eying the newest "Support Our Troops" magnet while waiting in line. The look on my face is always complacent and my thoughts are thousands of miles away.I’m the girl in the next car with glossy eyes listening to that stupid song I am convinced the radio is tormenting me with on purpose. I’m the girl who has fought an inner battle, trying to accept the path the man she loves has chosen. I'm the girl who will willingly leave her family, her friends and her home to follow a man clear across the country. I'm the woman who never asked for this, but deals with it without complaint. I’m the one who hates war but knows that it's a necessary thing. I'm the one who supports her President regardless of her own opinion because he is the man her loved one is fighting under. I am the girl who tries her hardest to go about her everyday life. I am the girl who tries to concentrate at work but frankly finds it damn near impossible at times. I am the girl who hates sleeping alone, but reminds herself – this is what I chose. I am the girl who closes her eyes and pretends that the man she loves is right there next to her, his arms wrapped around her. I am the girl who tries not to miss him, and who tries not to cry whenever she hears his name or even the mention of Marines. I'm the girl who fights a battle every morning when it comes time to get out of bed and face yet another day without him here, just so he'll be proud of me when he does come home. I'm the girl who lays awake each night in tears because no matter how hard I try, I can't fall asleep knowing he's so far away. I'm the girl who sits quietly because all I can think about is that next moment when he will be home, and I can finally breathe again. I'm the girl with a million things to say, but not one of them ever comes out because I know you won't be able to understand. I'm the girl that never goes anywhere without her cell phone, just in case he gets a chance to call. I'm the girl whose heart stops every time she sees someone wearing a USMC t-shirt, and who fights back tears anytime a man in uniform walks by. You say that you do know me? What you don't know is that I know love on an entirely different level than most. I know love that survives time and space that knows no jealously and feeds off trust. I know that 'love' that most people spend their entire lives searching for, but never find. I'm one of those girls that waits months for a single kiss; a kiss that will make months apart worth the wait; a kiss where everything in the world seems to just stop. You don't understand that when he leaves part of me goes with him, and part of him stays with me. You don't understand how we can be so far away from each other for so long and remain faithful. You don't understand how I can put so much trust into one person, so much love into something that I'm not able to admire face to face day by day. You tell me the Military is a relationship killer; I say it kills the weak. You tell me that he won't wait for me, and I tell you that I'm one of the reason's he's hanging on. You tell me you know how I feel and that you understand what I'm going through; although I appreciate you attempting to sympathize with me, you really have no idea…. I'm one of those girls who will stand tall and stay strong on the outside, but will be dying on the inside; waiting for the moment I am finally alone, so that I can break down and cry. I am one of the girls who will make friends with complete strangers because only they can fully understand what exactly I'm going through. You don't understand that I picture his face everywhere I go and that he is in everything I do. You think I don't cry anymore and that I've gotten over it, but what you don't know is that I just hide it, better. You don't know the feeling the first time you hear the word deployment or the feeling of his hand as it slides out of yours for what could be the last time. You don't know what that last hug or kiss means and how important that last moment in his arms at the airport truly is. I'm the girl you see standing alone in the corner of the airport watching quietly out the window with tears rolling down my cheeks. I'm the girl you see walking by with a disheartened face staring silently at the ground. You tell me that you support our Soldiers; I tell you, I'm in love with one. I'm one of the silent, but outgoing; weak, but strong; scared, but grateful. I'm one of those girls; the girl who stands tall behind her Soldier, stands proud behind her Hero, stands strong behind her man, watching silently as he serves and defends our country

Happy moments, Praise God.
Difficult moments, Seek God.
Quiet moments, Worship God.
Painful moments, Trust God.
Every moment, Thank God.

My Hero, My Marine.

I remember the very first time I ever met my Marine, he had long black hair and bad acne but he sure was cute. He played the drums and the guitar and boy was he good. We talked all the time and then one day we just lost touch, went our separate ways I guess you could say. I went through my first three years of highschool and never gave it much thought. I heard through the friend who introduced us that he joined the Marines. I didn't expect to hear from him again and then one day last year I signed onto AIM and and recieved an IM asking, "who is this?"

I recognized his screen name but I never expected him to remember who I was but susprisingly he did. He said he always saw my SN on his buddy list and finally realized one day that he didn't know who it was..It's funny how fate works..how niether of us ever changed our screennames even though i'd thought about it many times...We started to talk and I learned that he had enlisted in the Marines not long after he graduated. As the days passed we started to talk more and more online and then exchanged phone numbers. He was stationed at Camp Lejeune in NC and here I was...in Georgia. It was long distance from the start.


He was different than any civilian guy and the more we talked, the more I liked him. We grew close over the summer and he talked about coming home to see me but he wasn't able to come home until November. The plan was to meet half way between his house and mine and I would ride back with him to his house. It was the first time we had seen each other in person for years...

I was so nervous! When I pulled up, he was already there waiting in the parking lot. When I got into his car the first thing he said was..."Wow." I remember thinking how his pictures did NOT do him any justice, he was so handsome! It seemed like the ride back to his house dragged on for ever! I was extremely nervous and quiet the entire night. When we got to his house we ended up watching old home videos...and wow! there's nothing like seeing a boy (who grows up to be a Marine) dancing around with a broomstick singing Billy Ray Cyrus; he also had a mullet! :)I still tease him about that..we curled up on the couch and the first time he kissed me, I knew I was in love.

When he took me back to my car that night he asked me if I had ever been afraid to tell someone something. We hugged and i didn't want to let go at all. I didn't know when I would get to see him again. While we were standing there in each others arms he whispered in my ear.."April, I love you. I knew the moment I saw you." Everything fell into place right then, I was in love with Marine. No doubt about it. It's hard work loving a Marine! We have been together for four months and the majority of that time we have been away from each other. Now he is about to leave for Afghanistan but i'm going to wait on my Marine. True love survives distance and time and I know we will get through this together.

I have never felt this way about anyone before. He makes my heart melt and I treasure every single day and moment we get together because they are few and far between.There's nothing in this world that compares to the feeling of being in his arms again after days and months of being apart. He's my hero and i'm so very proud of him.

What can I say? Civilian guys bore me!
Semper Fi ; always and forever!

Deployment

So the dates got moved up and my Marine is now leaving for Afghanistan at the end of the month. I didn't expect it to happen so soon or for it to be this hard. He's so busy training that we haven't gotten much time to talk lately. At this point in time he doesn't know if he'll get to come home or even if they will allow his family and I to be there the day that he leaves. He will be gone for 6-7 months and knowing that I may not get to spend any time with him before he leaves is killing me. I'm trying so hard to be strong for him but there are still nights that I find myself in bed crying, missing him so much. I know it's going to be so hard....like he said tonight...if we can make it through this then we will survive a marriage, no problem at all. I asked him tonight if he thinks we will get engaged as soon as he gets back..his response.. "I know we will."

So I have so much to look forward too...when he comes home we will get engaged and we can finally be together, no barriers in the way of our relationship. We can start a beautiful life together as soon he returns from Afghanistan. It would be different if he were going to Iraq, but he's going to Afghanistan, a hot spot. I'm so scared...but I'm not complaining in any way, I understood perfectly well what I was getting into before we even got together. I'm a Marine girlfriend and a lot of hardships and sacrifice come with that title. But i'm proud of my Marine. He is serving his country and protecting our freedom. He is my hero, my love, my soulmate, my future, my everything. I'm starting college as soon as possible and plan on getting a better job to occupy my time and hopefully the months will full by. I also found an amazing support website that has alot of women who have been or are going through the same situation.

It's hard when none of your family or your friends can not fully understand what you are going through and how much it hurts because they have never been in this situation before. It doesn't help matters that I have to constantly put up with the "you're too young to be serious" "you never marry your first love" "you will regret not living your life first" comments..... But we are going to get through this, I know we will. I will be praying for him and his safe return, along with all the other troops and their families.

God Bless the Troops. <3

Marine Girlfriend

Everyone hears of the Marine Wife,Her trials, sacrifices, and devoted life.She is strong, she is brave, and she is loving indeed,Standing by her man in his time of need.


But what of others in a similar situation,Who have made being an Marine girlfriend their main occupation. They suffer many of the same trials and many of the same fears.Without the security of future years.

Will there be peace or will there be war?You try to be hopeful but it's hard to ignore.The world seems to be falling apartWhen to a Marine you have given your heart.

Your love runs too deep to escape from it now.You hope to be together somewhere, somehow,When his duty is over and your life can begin.You wonder if it will happen but don't question when.

The many heartbreaks and times you did weepWhen he made promises the USMC couldn't keep.But you have learned so much together and come so far.Others warned you not to fall in love but you already are.

His job is ever-changing and takes him far away.You think of him always and pray every day--For his safety, his courage, and his love for youThat he may remain steadfast, loyal, and ever true.

Nothing is sure and nothing is set in stone...Except that he will leave again and you will be alone,Holding tightly to your dreams of a future togetherWhen you will at last be able to say the word "forever."

A few years? That doesn't sound like so long.The letters and phone calls keep your love going strong,Even when they are few and far between,In them, his love for you can clearly be seen.

So keep your chin up and a smile on your face.He is protecting your freedom and keeping you safe.His heart is strong and his love is trueAnd don't ever forget that he is missing you too.

Semper Fi

Never before did I picture myself dating a Marine but it happened and sure enough i'm the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. He is the perfect man for me and I absolutely can not wait until we can finally start a life together. The only problem is I still have four months of school left and he's stationed two states away. I love every thing about him. Recently he found out that he's getting deployed in May and he's going to Afghanistan for six months, which is alot better than the original twelve he was going to have to do but it is still a very long time. There is no doubt in my mind that our relationship can survive this deployment. I'm a very strong person and I know that I will be there the day he leaves just as i'll be there waiting on him the day he comes back. I'm still scared though. I know not a day will go by when i'm not thinking about him and praying he comes home safe when he's gone. Today he asked me if he died would I do him a favor and he asked me to promise him that if he died I would try to find someone else to make me happy in life. Before we even started dating I realized that I was going to be with a Marine, you have accept the fact that his job will take him away from you time and time again and put him in harms way if need be. I plan on joining the Military myself and I fully understand and accept that it is his job to serve his country. It is still very scary though. He told me he didn't plan on dying because he doesn't think i deserve anymore misfortune, i've lost so many loved ones already and been through so much in my life. He promised to do everything he can while hes gone to stay alive and come back to me and that means everything to me. I know that it's going to be hard and I accept that but i'm going to miss him like crazy. He has changed my life completely and there is no doubt in my mind that he is the man I want to spend my life with. I am so truely blessed and so lucky to be with such an amazing Marine and a great Man. I'm proud of him and the day we are finally able to start a life together will be the happiest day of my life.